So in this "Teen Q&A" the first totally bogus thing that this guy says is "the baseball analogy is a pretty immature way to talk about some very mature stuff and aren't you better than that?"
I'd like to take a moment to answer that rhetorical question and say "FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO."
Last weekend I went to a cocktail party with the other Lina. (Who I will post flattering pictures of very soon, I promise) Much talk of the bases went on. First, I got felt up in front of witnesses by a homosexual and he denied that we had just gotten to Second Base*, which we clearly did. His argument was that because he did not actually go under my shirt, this did not constitute a technical trip to Second Base. Then, as the other Lina is wont to do, she started introducing me to people as the "Lina with the adorable cervix." Of course I try to explain this so people don't think I am some kind of tramp, and tell the story of how I totally scored with my gynocologist and got to Second Base with her.
What you may ask? An over-the-shirt feel-up and a gynocological exam both fit into the Second Base catagory? YES I say! Much argument ensued. To break it down, in the reality I have created for myself and which I intend to live in for a good long time, the bases are as such (for the hets):
First Base: making out
Second Base: anything beyond First Base that does not yet stray into the catagory of Third Base. A very fun base. I've heard.
Third Base: oral sex
Home Run: DUH.
Now the disagreement seems to arise in the grey area found between 2nd and 3rd Base. Many of the cocktail party guests seem to believe that a classic "fingerbang" should be in the 3rd Base catagory. I felt very strongly that this was clearly a 2nd Base activity, but now I'm not so sure. They also believed that the classic "blowjob" should count as a Home Run. What were you, dear reader, taught about the Bases? Share with us your wisdom.
Please check out the brilliant Heathy Lee Roth's take on the Bases. EATING PUSSY: The NEW First Base.
* please note that the Bases are capitalized because said Bases are sacred.
