Cam Mafia has replaced the awful Friday Five with the Monday Four. There's nothing I like better than answering random, retarded questions!!

1. If there are only two guys left on American Idol how the hell can the finale last three nights?
That's a great question, one that I wondered myself. More to the point, how can anything think Clay Aiken is either cute or straight? How can a man who sings ballads regularly live with himself?

2. When's it okay for a straight guy to have sex with another guy?
When one of those guys is my boyfriend.
The other night I made dinner for one of my male friends and he was rather impressed with my culinary skills. He said in wonder, "You are going to be one of those wives that has dinner ready on the table when your husband gets home from work, won't you?" And I replied, "Well yes, except he won't be coming from work, he will be coming home from the gay bar where he's been cheating on me all day." That shut him up right away.

3. Why is it in the movies whenever two women are left alone one of them is always tense and they end up having sex with each other?
Obviously whoever wrote this question has never been a woman alone in a room with another woman. That's just how things are, in the movies and in real life. In fact, I basically can't be left alone in a room with anyone, be it man, woman or child without something terrible happening.

4. What's your favorite word? Why?
I have many favorite words, and they change all the time. Hump is one that has been around for a while because it is just so incredibly foul. I also like heinous, dude, vile, rad, and perhaps. Oh, and pudendum.