I get inspired to update my website when I should really be inspired to lull myself to sleep reading about the Gulag. Why, you ask, would I be concerning myself with the plight of political dissidents forced to do hard labor? Well, to be honest, I'm rarely concerned with anyone's plight but my own, but I am doing my Senior Seminar on Russian writers. Yes, dear readers, I am finally in my last semester of college (9 years and counting) and soon I will emerge with a prestegious Bachelor of Arts degree in English, which I'm confident will be entirely helpful in finding me a job.

Completely unrelated to school, I've been subpoenaed to testify in a drunk driving case three times this month. Apparently, the driver had a blood alcohol content of like .69 and plans to mount a rousing defense based on the grounds of...what? Well, if being a drunk Mexican in a cowboy hat is a defense for drunk driving, than this man will surely get off. Otherwise, it's to the gulag for him.

In other court related news, I feel the need to torment our good friend, commenter, and possible near-term recipient of a restraining order, Fernando, aka "the true" publicly. As I've banned him from commenting, I'm sure the sense of impotence he will feel in being unable to respond to this post will only do him good, as his potence seems to be a major problem in his life. You see folks, "the true" is not only a troll online, but in real life as well. I don't have time to spew the details now, but they are juicy, and will be coming up on shutitdown eventually. Until then, feel free to make fun of him in the comments.