Tomorrow I'm going to a birthday party for a one-year-old. This is not something I really understand, but nonetheless, I will participate in it willingly. Today I went to some sort of children's store. I walked in, looked around, and then walked out. I felt the cold prickle of a panic attack coming on. After spending a few hundred dollars on myself for clothes made in sweatshops, I felt calm enough to try again.

I walked in and a chipper young lady offered to help me. I was relieved. "I need a present for a one-year-old boy. Do you have any recommendations?"
"Of course we do!" she chirped. "What is he into?"
I looked at her blankly for a while, while she widened her eyes at me expectantly. "Do one-year-olds have hobbies?" I asked, incredulously.
"Sure!" she replied.
"Uhmm, I guess it would have to be....eating and sleeping."

I'm sure I don't need to point out the obvious correlation here, right? I have the same interests as a toddler.