So anyway, on the peripheries of my little world was a guy about my age, we will call him Patrick. Patrick came from the suburbs of Philly, and was a nice young man at the age of 18. He had a girlfriend and cooked and worked as a busser or waiter in some resturant. He came to NYC to go to college; he wanted to be a screenwriter. Now, Patrick wasn't a Prada-wearing status whore or anything, he wore shirts from his old job almost every day. Typical dork.
Then one day he was going to a college party at my friends dorm with one our other friends, who was a certified starfucker and B-list celeb. For some reason they couldn't get in to the part, and the starfucker suggested that they go to Moomba (which at the time was a notorious celebrity and model hang-out). Patrick freaked out.
After that night he was irevocibly changed. He never wanted to hang out with his NYU friends, he only wanted to go out to where celebrities were. He stopped wearing his ratty old t-shirts, and tried to get "cool" clothes. PATRICK HAD BEEN BLINDED BY THE MAGIC. Nothing would ever be the same.
Soon after this, Michael Stipe started hitting on him. Like, overtly, and all the time. Patrick wasn't gay, but he was an REM fan. He thought Michael Stipe would read his screenplays and help him make it in "the biz". Eventually (but not as long as you'd think), Patrick became Michael Stipe's bitch-boy. When Michael was in town he would call Patrick at 4 or 5am and make him wake up and come to his hotel room to service him. It became more and more outrageous, he would come out to karaoke still, and would be sitting on Michael Stipe's lap, looking ashamed.
Michael, of course, never read Patrick's screen plays. When Patrick finally got dumped, all he had to show for being butt-fucked was a photo album of himself with all the celebrities that Michael had introduced him to. He stopped coming out to Moomba and karaoke. Patrick called up his old high school sweetheart and got back together with her. I think that ending may have been anti-climatic, but I guess the moral is, don't take in the butt unless you like it, cuz it ain't gonna get you on the big screen.
This story, which will probably get me sued, even though it is true, is called, "BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG DICK IN MY ASS."
A little off-topic but just wanted to say I liked the layout of the site
Erica | August 8, 2004 2:47 PMSo... Michael Stipe's got a big dick... um, what about Mike Mills? and... do they like hairy men? or I have to depilate my ass.
Stale79 | December 13, 2003 4:13 PM...and do you like it?
Pete | August 19, 2003 3:58 PM,a,
ann | April 6, 2003 5:45 PMSuk me dik al al if so!!!
well i didn't know that.
nobody | November 10, 2002 11:03 AMYes, humor confuses me.
Lina | November 10, 2002 9:41 AMI'm so sorry you didn't get my dry humor. It is a great story.
nobody | November 10, 2002 6:02 AMThis is the archives, der. Look at the date!
Lina | November 8, 2002 10:03 AMI read this story here about a year ago unless it was on IG.
nobody | November 8, 2002 5:23 AM;)
Lina | April 3, 2002 7:39 PMfuck, and double fuck. sorry about the double post. could you clean it up for me and make me look semi-professional, Lina? Oh, and delete this post too. I feel I am digging holes here. Oh well.
*tap dances to stage left*
k. | April 3, 2002 6:57 PMI could tell you about my run-in with the aforementioned Mr. Stipe. I guess you could say it was a real eye opener.
No wait.. that could reeeeeeeaalllly be misinterpreted.
Ugh. Anyway. I declared my heterosexuality by trying to lick some dude who plays the drums or something's girlfriends tonsils. Funnily enough that ended my Stipe encounter.
k. | April 3, 2002 6:55 PMWhat makes you so sure he has a BIG dick? Maybe it was small and compact and fit comfortably in the designated parking spot.
Doubting Thomas | April 3, 2002 2:15 PMIf I was going to take it in the arse from a celeb it would at least be someone goodlooking like George Michael!!! Not that Im going to take it in the arse.
Lina sorry I havent mailed ya lately but Ive had a few marital problems!!! Dont worry its nothing to do with buying liquidizers or cameras for people!!! You can email me first as that makes me feel wanted!!! Lol Catch ya later.
Limey | April 3, 2002 1:57 PMStipe's a fag? Now thats pretty difficult to believe......but if its on a cam girl site i suppose it must be true....
say10 | April 3, 2002 12:29 PMYou whore Lina! I can't believe that you never told me that story. It's so fucking good!
jenny | April 3, 2002 10:59 AMOMG THAT WAS THE BEST STORY.
Erin | April 3, 2002 9:57 AMI can't believe that a totally straight man would even entertain the idea of meeting people (who are readily accessable otherwise) in exchange for taking the tube steak through the exit...
It's a shame what the world has come to. There isn't that much celebrity in the world to make me bend over for the protien injection.
Knuckles
Daniel Cooper | April 3, 2002 9:07 AMHave one of your website groupies buy him a Butt Plug. He already has the photo album of himself with all the celebrities. He will be back to "his normal self"
Mr.Happy | April 3, 2002 7:26 AM