March 2003 Archives

So, Jamie goes to get her HIV test done recently. She tells the guy who is administering her test about her risk factors, which includes a couple of episodes of unprotected sex. He asks her if this decision making was the result of drug or alcohol use. No, Jamie says, she actually hasn't had even so much as a drink in five years, when she quit drinking and doing drugs in her early twenties. She also mentioned that she quit smoking last year. Her tester seemed shocked. He couldn't believe that a girl so young could have so few vices. He said to her,

"You don't drink, you don't do drugs, you don't smoke--Jeez, what do you do for fun?"

Jamie deadpanned, "I have unprotected sex."

First up, I have a poem to share with you. My dear friend Kim got me a magnetic poetry kit for my birthday, and my also-dear friend Mary used to to write a poem in my honor. And I do feel honored. Thank you ladies.

Next, in case you thought the other Lina was a product of my perverse imagination, check out the photographic evidence that she not only exists, but is clearly a degenerate:

I also remembered that I should have listed my miniature golf accomplishments in with my awards listing the other day. I have gotten three mini-golf trophies in my day--one standing at a full two feet tall--for my acheivements in the mini-golf tournament circuit on the New Jersey shore. But don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still Lina from the block. In response to the questions I have been receiving in regards to the greased pig travesty, I actually have a picture of me dragging some poor swine by its hind limbs through a sawdust filled arena in front of a roaring crowd, but I am too discombobulated to scan it right now. Maybe tomorrow, if you ask nicely.

If you are getting sick of the sometimes days of old cam pics, you should sign up for free at camrecord.com (and no I don't get anything for plugging them, unfortunately). Then you can go to this link here and see all my new pics and select your favorites, etc. Good times, right?

Well, the non-smoking dealy has been going really well. I haven't had a cigarette since my birthday, primarily because I am still breathing with the strength of a 90 year old with emphysema. So that part of my plan to swear off fags has been rather successful. Unfortunately, my coup d'etat has not been complete, as I went to see Erasure last night with my mother. It was only about halfway through the show--when Andy Bell stripped down to nothing but a corset and leather underwear (and the corset came off soon afterwards)--that I realized that perhaps these fellows were homosexual and I had, unintentionally, crossed my own mental boundary. I had a great time though. Fabulous, really.

ReiAyanami Moo: Hi Leprechaun King!
ReiAyanami Moo: Nyah nyah.
ReiAyanami Moo: Your a WOMAN.
ReiAyanami Moo: Stupid Woman cowering and un-responsive.
ReiAyanami Moo: Cowering and un-responsivity is WOMANLY!

ILikeUWeArAThonG: em
ILikeUWeArAThonG: emm babie sexy oi
ILikeUWeArAThonG: cho anh keo' cai thong dinh vo chim em di nhe
ILikeUWeArAThonG: lam cho em uot'

-Best Shot in my riflery class (that's guns, kids) at summer camp.
-Most Talkative in my 8th grade yearbook.
-Gold Medal in the Booty Olympics.
-"Top 10 Worst Driver I've Ever Seen (but top 10 best at backing up in a straight line)" - My driver's ed teacher from when I was 16.
-Third Place in the middle school poetry contest where I wrote about how much I love my parents.
-Blue Ribbon in the greased pig contest.

Will think of more later. Have had a very successful life. My Mathletes team always won.

Me and Teresa on the old MTA.

So New York. I had a great time in my old stomping grounds. I ate 7 maraschino cherries, got two pairs of shoes, was propositioned by real live men, and saw the Matthew Barney show at the Guggenheim. I also saw Franny and went to the Interpol show which was, in the words of a true Californian, freaking awesome. I didn't get the bobbing head dog for my car though, but I guess that's why god invented Ebay. Speaking of god, my birthday present from the heavens seemed to be the acute case of bronchitis that I came down with on 03-03-03. This was also a signal that perhaps it was time for me to give up the fags, as it were, so I have not had a cigarette in 11 days. Actually homosexuals will be harder to give up. Okay I don't know what else to say, I am sick, you know. Did you miss me?

So I am in nyc right now. Good times! I just didn't want you all to think I was dead. I'm having a great time, and will post some pictures when I get back home. It's nice to be here as a tourist, I actually like it. Does that make sense?

Email me at lina @ shutitdown.net