So in this "Teen Q&A" the first totally bogus thing that this guy says is "the baseball analogy is a pretty immature way to talk about some very mature stuff and aren't you better than that?"
I'd like to take a moment to answer that rhetorical question and say "FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO."
Last weekend I went to a cocktail party with the other Lina. (Who I will post flattering pictures of very soon, I promise) Much talk of the bases went on. First, I got felt up in front of witnesses by a homosexual and he denied that we had just gotten to Second Base*, which we clearly did. His argument was that because he did not actually go under my shirt, this did not constitute a technical trip to Second Base. Then, as the other Lina is wont to do, she started introducing me to people as the "Lina with the adorable cervix." Of course I try to explain this so people don't think I am some kind of tramp, and tell the story of how I totally scored with my gynocologist and got to Second Base with her.
What you may ask? An over-the-shirt feel-up and a gynocological exam both fit into the Second Base catagory? YES I say! Much argument ensued. To break it down, in the reality I have created for myself and which I intend to live in for a good long time, the bases are as such (for the hets):
First Base: making out
Second Base: anything beyond First Base that does not yet stray into the catagory of Third Base. A very fun base. I've heard.
Third Base: oral sex
Home Run: DUH.
Now the disagreement seems to arise in the grey area found between 2nd and 3rd Base. Many of the cocktail party guests seem to believe that a classic "fingerbang" should be in the 3rd Base catagory. I felt very strongly that this was clearly a 2nd Base activity, but now I'm not so sure. They also believed that the classic "blowjob" should count as a Home Run. What were you, dear reader, taught about the Bases? Share with us your wisdom.
Please check out the brilliant Heathy Lee Roth's take on the Bases. EATING PUSSY: The NEW First Base.
* please note that the Bases are capitalized because said Bases are sacred.
Do men and women have the same thoughts as to the base theory??? When I was young it seemed so but I think baseball is not the sport to be used for sexual conquests marker points. Surely 1st base is not worth mentioning anymore. Maybe we should go beyond a straight fuck as a home run!!! Great subject to bring up Lina. I always thought you were interesting even if others didnt think so. ;-)> (English are know for being sarcastic cunts especially me!!!) Hope your well anyway. Limey
Rob | May 14, 2003 3:47 AMNicola,
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BLOWJOBS? WHAT ABOUT THE BLOWJOBS?!?!?!?!?
xox
Lina | May 12, 2003 6:05 PMlina
Has nobody heard of the four Fs? the easiest way to remember the bases:
1. French (kissing with tongues)
Nicola | May 12, 2003 3:01 PM2. Feel (any feeling up but not finger fucking)
3. Finger (fingering)
4. Fuck (I'm sure you don't need an explanation of this one)
If it's a sexy pillow, then it's shirts v. skins teeball.
tas | May 12, 2003 6:43 AMEven a sexy pillow?
Bia | May 11, 2003 9:24 AMpillow = teeball
tas | May 10, 2003 5:08 PMVeering off from the bases subject...
Bia | May 10, 2003 9:40 AMI totally agree with Lina on the "FuckNO" to the guy who gives advice on the Teen Q&A.
I think making out with pillows is a great way to practice, or to get your groove on.
So what base are you on if you score with your pillow?
I guess a broken rubber would be one situation, but you mine as well say that you scored at that point, you were just rhwon out at home because the umpire is blind and made a bad call. One doesn't get the chance to "score" everytime they get a BJ, but I still think that there should be a different classiication for it. Hand under the shirt is second base, hand under the pants is third base.. Lips on cock is hitting a triple and going home on a throwing error.
tas | May 10, 2003 9:18 AMHa..Ha... too funny Tas..but what would be the throwing error ?? (without getting too graphic...) hummm...maybe he realizes his trojan that he's been carrying in his wallet for a year is broken...so they have to settle for a blow job...LoL... Hence the triple with a throwing error and runner gets home...Ha..Ha.... O.k.... I'll shutup now....
Elden | May 9, 2003 6:07 PMMaybe a blow job can be a triple with a throwing error, allowing the running from third to score? That would have to be a stand up triple, though, since it's tough to run home after sliding into the bag.. I'll shut up now.
tas | May 9, 2003 4:44 PMJapanese baseball parks are smaller, so it is easier for large American men to score homeruns.
snore | May 9, 2003 9:55 AMI would agree with you on second base...over or under is not as important as getting there...lol
Now 3rd I always thought of as "fingering"...atleast as far as a guy describing this...
A blow job is a Home Run...( maybe an inside the park Home Run...) but a Home Run none the less... Have a great day Lina
Elden | May 9, 2003 8:55 AMI've never really learned the details of the bases, and everyone seems to have their own definition, so it's all news to me. The only thing I know is that I've been home before, because that's the most obvious one. ;>
What would getting a handjob while driving count for? And also what would the driver causing his passenger to climax while fingering her and driving at the same time count for? Are skill points awarded?
tas | May 9, 2003 6:40 AMOy, Lina, where is the dreidl spinning child I used to serve gefilte fish to? Now it's dildos and cadillacs? You think I want? Oy vey, these schmeckena kids today. I can't breathe i'm so overcome with the geschalt, Lina.
Audrey Solomon | May 9, 2003 1:19 AMReading your family Torah with a person whom you are courting is the only base you should be exploring.
Please stop sinning.
Rabbi Silverstein | May 9, 2003 1:10 AMFrom what I remember:
First base - Making out, and this included any groping or fondling (even so much as dry humping) that occured, as long as it was *OVER* the clothes.
Second Base - Getting your hand(s) on a the actual flesh of girl's/woman's breast. The chances of the shirt/bra still being on and securely strapped in place are directly proportional to whether or not you actually use the phrase "got to second base".
Third Base - Getting you hand(s) down her pants, getting her out of her pants, and some times even out of her underwear. This may include oral sex, but at that point, why not try and steal home?
Home Run - Putting the business end of your fuck stick into the woman du jour. Her level of sobriety or even consciousness is not important, just merely that you've done "it".
cmplsv | May 8, 2003 7:31 PMI have questions Lina, and have to take issue with your referance material.
food incorporation, spanking and fart lighting could be part of any Rugby dinner and need not envolve anything like a sexual partner?
I will however try to include carpet munching in my first base technque straight after "Do you come here often"?
I'll keep you informed. Any plans to come to London. Ah, no. Sorry.
p | May 8, 2003 3:18 PMYay for third base!
P | May 8, 2003 2:50 PMI would have to agree with your definitions mostly although I would say that "fingerbang" does qualify for third base...and now I'm off to have a fantasy baseball game with Lina ;-)
Kelley | May 8, 2003 9:48 AM