June 2003 Archives

I took this photo more than a week ago, but I hadn't posted it because for once I was at a loss. A complete loss. I mean, when you have a photo like the one pictured above, what can you really say? A short explanation will have to suffice.

One of my alleged friends lives in San Francisco, where as you may be aware, there is no dearth of homeless people trolling the streets looking for food, money, or the opportunity to sodomize the sodomizers. There's a fellow who panhandles in his neighborhood, and his signs always mention sodomy and priss--kind of like how my site updates always refer to my cervix and my mother. I've only seen about a half-dozen of his signs so far, but this one is definitely his magnum opus. You'd give him a donation, wouldn't you?

Perhaps I should stop working this whole wishlist angle and start soliciting funds to sodomize the sodomizers. I don't know, it could work. Right?

Now as my long time readers can guess this is an actual conversation I had with my mother. (Remember when she said "pudendum"?) Particularly amusing was the fact that this conversation was being held in front of both my father and a number of my young friends. The trip itself to bring said young friends and my parents together was also pretty entertaining. According to my mother, my father started whistling circus music as my friends and I drove away. Comedy gold.

Many of you seem to be interested in my gym-going activities. I, your indolent webmistress, who has garnered a reputation as one of the laziest girls in the entire Bay Area has been going to the gym both regularly and furiously. They have incredibly trashy magazines there which basically serve to keep me on the machines in a way that the desire for exercise or physical fitness never could. Jane Magazine particularly is notably horrifying--I read an article about "Ivy League Hookers" that detailed one Columbia student's ordeal licking 67-year-old anus in her quest for Prada clothing and accessories. No people, I am not making this up, they used the word "anus."

My goal for the summer is to develop some sort of abdominal muscles. Not the kind you can see, mind you, but the kind that are safely hidden under a layer of tummy. I was talking to the girl who works at the gym and together we analyzed my exercise history. Basically we came up with the hypothesis that it was just through sheer luck alone that I have enough muscle mass to propel myself from the couch to the bed on a daily basis. Thank Christ for the little things, you know?