August 2003 Archives

More exciting than any of these things is the trip to the dentist that I made last week. I had a sort of introductory exam with my new dentist, and along with all the other standard things that dentists do, she instructed me to open my mouth as wide as possible. She then whipped out a metal ruler-like impliment and measured my gaping maw. I said, "So doc, how did I do?" She proceeded to tell me that I, shockingly enough, have the ability to open my mouth wider than the general population.

This, in conjunction with my incredibly inviting cervix, would make me the perfect woman if I would only consent to the voicebox removal surgery. Not yet my friends, not yet.

More news from the therapy front--yesterday I went and signed up for therapy, as I can hook it up for free at school. This is very exciting, because I have been talking about doing this for more than six months. I'm hoping to work through my daddy issues and perhaps get diagnosed with something more exciting than, "hysterical neurosis" or plain old depression (BORING). I had to fill out a form that, among other things, asked why I was choosing to seek therapy at this time.

I wrote, "Because people keep telling me that I am 'crazy.'"

In other news, I have once again crashed my car into another car. In reality, she crashed her car into me, but because I was making left-hand turn, this is my fault according to the police at the scene. Nevermind the fact that she was coming out of a driveway and had about as much right-of-way as a fat woman on a tightrope.

I've also noticed that I wasn't very funny. And basically illiterate. I tend to think of myself as operating on only the most basic level of literacy--since I managed to miss those years of high school where they teach you about grammar and punctuation--and while that is still true, I have definitely improved. Which is nice to know. Going back to college to major in English has been a struggle. I've had people nearly bowl over with laughter as they contemplate my post-graduation job prospects. So at least this last decade of college has done something for me, if only to make my crappy webpage a little more palatable and my descriptions of japscat that much more rich.

In my research I also stumbled upon some of the more "classic" shutitdown posts from the few years such as the infamous post, "Bright Lights, Big Dick in My Ass."

Also, some of my favorite posts are of course, the instant message conversations with my brother.

Not sure what else to report at the moment. As usual, the Friday Five sucks, and I vowed to never do it again. Does anyone have any questions? I just might answer them.

Also, in honor of the Freddy vs. Jason movie, I've decided to learn a little more about blood splatter. Can anyone help me find the film, "Blood in Slow Motion" released in 1991 by Home Office Main Laboratory, London? If you have any suggestions, please post them in the comments. Thank you!

Since my plans for the next few days involve taking enough painkillers to kill a horse and listening to Led Zeppelin and Depeche Mode until my ears bleed, I figured I should update now while I still have one or two functioning brain cells. Much has happened since my last update.

The most important thing is that I went to THE FAIR. The carnival, if you will. I love that place. Here's a quick rundown of things I did there:

Had my picture taken with Mary and DUBYA.

lina: let's go to tijuana
max: when?
lina: soon
max: will you give me shit if i buy percoset?
lina: no
max: ok
lina: depends how much..
max: ive always wanted to go
lina: me too
lina: the other lina wants to go too
lina: you will like her
max: but will she like me?
lina: she won't sleep with you,
lina: but she will like you.
lina: she wants to spend half the trip whoring and the other half buying whores so we break even.
max: pft
max: women whores or man whores?
lina: i don't think she cares.
lina: she just likes the idea.
lina: she also wants to smoke crack on the way there
max: so i should bring the camera then too?
lina: oh yes
max: do you plan on driving?
lina: if she's smoking crack, yes.
max: id try smoking crack.
max: if i was with big sissy.
lina: aww
lina: i love having a little brother. <3