December 2003 Archives

I don't really want to write about Fatty right now, because thinking about her makes me sad and mad. But, I do have some good news. I called a few places to see if I could get her stuffed--I wanted her on her hind legs like a bear--and found that it would cost around $1000 to have her stuffed. So, I decided to instead have her mummified. Check that page out, because this is hott. Finally, Fatty will live on in the public eye, receiving the glory in death that she deserved, but was denied, in life.

In other news, I got an A- in one of my classes. I'm livid about the situation, but I suppose the straight A's were too good to last. Also, I will soon be embarking upon my last semester of college. Does anyone have any suggestions of what I should do with the rest of my life? Any help would be appreciated. I'm sure English degrees are in really high demand right now.

My fat sugar glider is dead. I'm depressed. Eulogy will be forthcoming.

So, the reason I haven't updated is because I have been busy as a MOFO. Have I ever posted the MOFO story? It's good. One that rivals even "Bright Lights, Big Dick in My Ass." Maybe if you beg, I will post it. Anyway. Back to my busy-ness. I'm a senior in college right now and it's the end of the semester. Today was the last day of classes and I am going in to finals. I have been completely overwhelmed and I am seriously considering a murderous rampage, or at least streaking naked through the quad.

What have you missed in the weeks since my last update? Well, I went to a Sharks game and shouted "GOOD HUSTLE!" at the players. It was interesting on many levels. First, they were playing the Leafs. Not the Leaves, but the Leafs. I actually researched this because it drove me insane, and apparently it is correct. Shocking isn't it? It's easy to shock an English major, I guess. It was my first hockey game ever and I think I came up with an idea that could revolutionize the game. If a really, really fat guy, say, morbidly obese was the goalie, and he just lay in front of the goal, his team would surely win as the puck would never be able to penetrate his bulk. This strategy wouldn't work for a game like soccer, where the goal is far larger. But I feel that for hockey it would actually be feasable. For you sports fans out there, would this be legal? Why hasn't someone done this yet? Seriously.

I'll post more once I finish up my finals. Wish me luck!