shutitdown: livin' for the anecdote

shutitdown: taking one for the anecdote

January 2004 Archives

One time when I was visiting California from New York, I stayed up all night and then went to the airport at 5 am, planning to sleep on the plane. But I got stuck between a fat man and a stinky old person, and was unable to sleep on the plane. So by the time I arrived, I had been awake for more than 24 hours. Of course my father was unwilling to take me directly home because he might miss out on a chance to buy food in bulk, which is something he is loathe to do. So off we went to CostCo (a warehouse-type store), exhausted though I was.

My father dragged me through the place for 45 minutes. As we were checking out, I saw a man, a midget or a dwarf, carrying a can of Heineken that was at least a foot tall. I did a double-take. Then a triple-take. Was this an acid flashback? A cruel joke? I fled the store in terror and cowered outside until my father finished his shopping. In a bitter twist of fate, I had to go directly from CostCo to the DMV to get a new driver's license. Forever after the look of fear on my face was imortalized on my ID.

I was reminded of the incident because I started school today. (Oddly enough, school started yesterday and I forgot to go. So I started today instead.) In my novel-writing class is a girl who was in one of my classes last semester. I really like her, she's a nice girl a fine writer, but I spent the entire last semester worrying that perhaps I was losing my mind and up was down, black was white and the world was not as it seemed. Why, you ask? Because she has the most enormous breasts I have ever seen, and tends to wear t-shirts with tiny "baby" pockets on them. The pockets are about an inch and half across and seem to distort my view of her breasts, and the world as a whole.

Number of times per day, on average, I give someone the finger while driving: 2
Pounds I have lost: 11
Pounds I have gained: 10
Number of people who have told me I am "intense" so they don't have to say "crazy": 2
Times I have been pre-emptively dumped: 1
Number of cavities filled: 6
Number of emergency root canals: 1
Dentist bills paid: 0
Sugar gliders murdered: 2
Phone calls not returned (by me): numerous
Dirty words I know in Swedish: 16
Times my dad has called to ask a stupid computer question: 19
Books from the library that are overdue by more than a month at this very minute: 6
Dead people: 4
Times I've watched "Bring It On": 7
Number of friends who have posed in tube socks and underwear for me: 8
Number of times I went to Sephora: 3
Number of times I wanted to go to Sephora: 56
Crashed hard drives: 1
 Number of men that have sent me unsolicted pictures of their penii: 6
What I got for Christmas: A karaoke machine, tickets to see Olivia Newton-John, a pen that allows me to play Connect Four at the most inopportune moments.

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Dear God does someone have a copy of the Sims Unleashed for me? I'm dying here.

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Recent Comments

DIANNLeblanc19: I will recommend not to wait until you get enough read more
Maria22Craig: Don't have a lot of cash to buy a car? read more
HilaryDominguez21: If you want to buy real estate, you would have read more
MunozChrystal29: I strictly recommend not to hold back until you earn read more