February 2006 Archives

Covering the entire span of my romantic life in just three songs:

Love to Hate You - Erasure
Loving You, Hating Me - Soft Cell
I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett

Right now I'm in the process of making a top ten list of things for us to do tonight. Currently, at the top of the list is calling/writing all of our exes and telling them we'll kill ourselves if they won't say "I love you." Sadly, this wasn't my idea, but was the genius of a friend who thought this would be a good group activity. Angry at him for having such a good idea, at 11:30 today I instant messaged him.

"Have lunch with me," I wrote.
I waited a second, then typed, "or I'll kill myself."

So far, other items on the list of possible activities include, in various combinations: glory holes, the Westminster Dog Show, rohypnol, Tijuana, Jewish porn, cigarettes, and crying softly. Nothing screams romance like suicide threats and dog shows.

My brother on V-Day:
Max: there was candy at the front desk
Max: and when i tried to grab one
Max: the secretary was like "YOU CANT HAVE ONE UNLESS YOU WRITE US A VALENTINE" and pointed to a box that had obviously been decorated for at least an hour
Max: i wrote "die in a fire" folded it in half and then took a hersheys
Max: BAM

Per usual tradition, Valentines of the past:

Father: Peter says that Max is quoted in today's Wall Street Journal
Lina: well i'm in playgirl magazine
did he tell you that
DID HE

Later...
Max: he probably saw it
Max: he probably read your blog a long time ago when he did a google image search for penis

My essay, 'Raising the Flags of Europe' is in this month's Playgirl magazine.

Go check it out and see how I've turned myself from a girl with a website into a girl with a website and an article in Playgirl.

My grandmother would be so proud.

So far, my poor, innocent 21-year-old cousin has been the only person I know willing to risk the shame of buying a copy. For this, I commend her.

Remember people, you are just buying it for the articles.

Who's going to move to England and be knighted Lady Beastie of Beastfordshire?